The Commuter

/kəˈmjuːtə/, noun

a person who travels some distance to work on a regular basis.

Public transportation: it’s too hot, too cold, too crowded, too slow, has too many stops (even though you wouldn’t mind one extra stop closer to your home and work), it smells bad and brings out the absolute worst in each and every one of us. Well some more than others.

We can all agree that some commuters behave like monsters who should be caged. The following (unfortunately not very rare) Pokémon can be found during your average commute:

The Overaccessoriser. This commuter does not travel lightly. Crying babies, large backpacks, smelling animals, strollers and foldable bikes are part of his standard travel package. If you are experiencing trouble locating such accessories, here’s a tip: the Overaccessoriser loves keeping his stuff close to him, especially on one of the very few available seats. Well, they’re not available anymore now, aren’t they.

The Beautician. This commuter can be recognised by a very distinctive smell of nail polish and/or perfume. The Beautician does some extensive renovation and plastering work during her commute and can therefor be quite hard to spot as she usually gets off the train looking completely different than she got on it.

The Tourist. Has a common characteristic with the Overaccessoriser as the Tourist is usually accompanied by large lugagge but can however be distinguished by the big smile on his face and he is genuinly excited and happy to be on a train. Or it could be the Overaccessoriser on drugs.

The Wannabe-DJ. This commuter aspires to be the next David Guetta and is, despite his headphones, kind enough to share his amazing music with all fellow commuters within a 25 feet radius.

The Foodie. Even though you can hardly find a less hygiënic place to eat than public transportation, this person enjoys, chewing loudly, his lavish, four-course, smelling dinner, followed by a half-liter can of beer.

Sleepyhead.  Can, like the Wannabe-DJ, be heard from afar. Makes loud snoring noises, has his mouth wide open, is possibly drewling and likes his neighbour’s soft shoulder to fall asleep on.

The Workaholic. This is the person who has to be available at all times or disaster, inevitably taking the form of a stock market crash, will strike. He puts his laptop on the table and taps loudly on it during the whole ride and calls at least half the company directory shouting “I’m on the train Patrick, I hear you very badly. Patrick? Are you still there? Patrick? I’m on the train! Oops we’re going into a tunnel, I might lose you! Hello?” How about calling Patrick back once you’re off the train, hm? This commuter is usually unaware that cellphones can be muted.

The Sweaty Commuter. Can also take the form of another unpleasant smell.

The Socialiser. This commuter like to talk and ask questions, especially when you’re in a bad mood. He is very eager to know where you got on the train, where you will get off, what you do for a living, where you live, if you have any pets and what kind of underwear you’re wearing. If you do not reply to such questions or ignore this Socialiser, he does not mind and will keep talking.

Please tell us which kind of commuter you have spotted in the comments or play our commuter-bingo game!